There’s a Squatch in those woods…
By Lou Bernard in Arts & Entertainment
April 5, 2012
Like most events these days, this one started with a Facebook post. Recently, I posted my theory that the singer Meat Loaf was actually Bigfoot. I had spotted two back-to-back articles on Google News; one article claiming that a photo of Bigfoot had been taken, and the other saying that Meat Loaf has had experiences with the paranormal. (To give him points for honesty, he admitted he’s done a lot of drugs.) Kidding around, I posted my theory that Meat Loaf is responsible for most Bigfoot sightings.
When I actually looked into it, I discovered that Bigfoot has been sighted in Clinton County. This is probably not really Meat Loaf. (Though, seriously….Look at the guy!) But there have actually been reports of Sasquatches in the area.
How can I pass that up?
Many of the people who report sightings suggest that Bigfoot has stuck to the Salona area, which makes a certain amount of sense, Salona, Pennsylvania not being the size of New York City. Maybe forty-five people live there. Even if you count the pets, the has just barely more of a population than the ocean floor. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it’s just not that big.
The Pennsylvania Bigfoot Society (which apparently is a thing) reported the sighting just after the flood of 1972, when Hurricane Agnes devastated much of the community. A Salona woman had been storing canned food on her enclosed back porch. She had heard noises coming from out there, and went to investigate, presumably expecting raccoons, or maybe a bear.
Instead, she got Bigfoot.
She described it as hairy and strong. Startled, the creature tore the screen door off the hinges, and ran into the forest. (There is no mention, in the articles, as to whether she was eating beef jerky and “messin’ ” with him.)
About half of you are ready to go tearing off into the woods on a Bigfoot hunt while other half are mentally composing reasons why Bigfoot doesn’t exist. Without going into too much of a lecture, I do want to point out that many creatures have been said not to exist. Panda bears, gorillas, and platypuses have all been, at one time, considered mythical. Now, we know them to be real animals. But early explorers were told there were no such creatures. The coelacanth was thought to be extinct until fishermen discovered one in 1938.
Around 3:00 PM on June 22 of 1990, two vehicles were riding along Lusk Road in Bald Eagle Township, in a forested area. The first, a pickup truck, contained one man. The second had a family, a man, woman, and two children. They both stopped when they saw a hairy creature jumping over the guardrail.
It was described as “Tall and grotesque, with long, shaggy, matted hair.” The man in the pickup truck stayed inside, and the father began to get out of his car, thought better of it, and stayed in. The Bigfoot surveyed the witnesses, grunted at them, and then disappeared into the woods.
Bigfoot was reported again in late June of 1991. Two men were riding on Long Run Road in Lamar Township, in an area of the state forest. They heard the sound of very loud footsteps running down the mountain, and saw a seven-foot creature, running on two legs. A report from the Pennsylvania Creature Research Journal said, “they watched it for several seconds before it disappeared behind some bushes about thirty feet away.” The report continued stating, “the creature had long, dark brown, almost black, hair. It ran like a man and weighed about four hundred pounds. The only facial features they observed were the eyes, which were completely black, and the forehead, which was flat.”
So, could there be a hairy humanoid creature roaming our forests? It’s possible
Something has been sighted, here in Clinton County. Though I can’t explain exactly what it is or where it comes from, I do know two things.
One: Erin Tierney, A&E Editor of the Eagle Eye, has an open invitation to go Bigfoot-hunting with me sometime.
And two: I’m going to have Meat Loaf songs in my head the rest of the afternoon.
If you would like to go on an expedition to search o Bigfoot, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org LET’S DO THIS.