April 1st, 2013
Twitter account @Hottieforyourbody submitted the name Sunday afternoon and after much deliberation, the name was chosen by a group of prestigious school officials that night.
“I couldn’t be happier with the name choice! Burt Reynolds is one good looking man and I think that totally transcends to our mascot so yeah, I’m loving it,” says one of the officials involved in the decision-making.
Before the decision, @Hottieforyourbody and @DutchOven007 had a heated disagreement full of vicious insults and profanity.
The name beat out James Earl Bird and Waka Flocka Flame.
“Dude, I was bumming hard core that Flocka didn’t win. If Flocka would have won, I swear I would have turn’d up for a month. Squad man. Squad,” says a large sweaty muscular student emerging from the Rec.
Many of the younger students didn’t understand the swooning over the new mascot head.
Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia, also known as the Golden Girls, all flew up from Florida to celebrate the christening of the new Lock Haven mascot Burt Reynolds.
“This reminds me of a time in Minnesota when the corn field flooded and the male rows drowned so then the female corn never got pollunated so the crop failed. But good ole Burt Tamulevich let the female corn pollunate itself,” Rose Nylon said.
Although most students are confused by the name choice, one thing they all have in common is their love for the feathery creature.
“I don’t know even know who Burt Reynolds is but hey, if he’s a classy guy, our eagle is lucky to have the name given to him,” says sophomore Penelope Wombaldon.
The mascot will go into effect in the next upcoming school year and will hopefully bring luck to each team.
Smokey is a bada*s and can be contacted at Smokeythebandit@lhup.edu