By Kathleen Ellison
Princess of Rainbow Road
April 1st, 2013
I’m sure many know the great Mario of the Mushroom Kingdom, who has rescued Princess Peach and defeated Bowser single handedly time and time again. This famous individual and his adventures are world-renowned. After a recent trip to the Mushroom Kingdom I managed to snag an interview with famous plumber himself and ask him some of the questions that plague us.
What do those mushrooms taste like?
Mario: Well, they-a taste sweet and yummy. They are-a quite delicious! They taste magical and make you feel good. I could-a munch on them all day!
Where did you get your hat?
M: I’ve always had my hat since I was but-a baby. My mamma made it for me. It’s made of very special material.
Why did you decide to become a plumber?
M: My-a father was a plumber and I have always loved working as a plumber. When I was just-a child I would take apart the sink and the pipes.
Why were you late to Fix-it Felix’s party?
M: Well my dear brother Luigi became sick that night, so I stayed home and made some soup. I heard it wasn’t a very good party. Some crazy man wrecked it!
Does it ever bother you when you kill goombas?
M: No! They’re very mean and-a angry. They-a cause much-a trouble for the Mushroom Kingdom’s people.
How’s it feel to be world famous?
M: Oh it’s-a nice! People are-a too kind. I’m just-a doing what any plumber would do.
Do you find enough gold coins to pay the bills?
M: No, sadly not. That is why I’m a plumber. The economy is-a bad in the Mushroom Kingdom. The goombas will attack you for even half a gold coin.
Does it hurt to punch bricks?
M: Oh no! It is fun! After a while your-a hand starts to go numb.
How did you and Princess Peach meet?
M: Well I-a first met her when I was fixing plumbing in the castle with my father. It was love at first sight. When Bowser kidnapped her and I went to go rescue her and after that, well we were always together.
How serious are you and Princess Peach?
M: Oh, well, I-a love her very much. She is very beautiful and very kind [blushes].
Does she know about your past relationship with Pauline?
M: Of course! The-a incident with Donkey Kong was big news. All of Mushroom Kingdom was talking about it. Peach and Pauline never really got along though. Pauline and I are good friends.
With all the Lance Armstrong controversy, have you faced any censure for the mushrooms?
M: The Toadstools were a-worried about it, but I passed all the tests!